The Difference between Faith and Certainty

As an agnostic and a skeptic, I used to find the idea of faith perplexing.  How can people be so certain of something for which there is no proof, or even overwhelming evidence? 

To me, the whole business of faith seemed naive.  I was raised Christian, but I had never seen any evidence to support the existence of the Trinity.  I thought, what is the difference between an adult believing in Jesus and a child believing in Santa Claus?  As far as I could tell, the child actually had more evidence.  At least there were presents beneath the tree on Christmas morning. 

Some people believe Jesus is the only way to Heaven.  Others believe that the only way is through Islam and the teaching s of Muhammad.  These two beliefs are mutually exclusive.  Even if one of them is right, that means the other is not.  And it’s quite possible they’re both wrong.  I did a thought experiment a few times where I believed in Jesus, and I had great faith.  Even in this case, I would still be uncertain.  My faith would be disturbed by the equally strong convictions of Muslims who believe that Jesus is not the son of God.  It seems to me that if either side has evidence to support their beliefs and dogma, the opposing side likely has equally convincing evidence to the contrary. 

So I kept asking myself, what is wrong these people of faith?  How can the Christians and Muslims be equally convinced that they are right, and the other is wrong?  I struggled with trying to understand this for years and got nowhere. 

I've recently learned that the biggest obstacle to my understanding was a semantic one.  I thought that faith and certainty were analogous (at least in the context).  That is absolutely wrong.  And this problem does not result from my skepticism.  In fact, it’s a bigger problem when people of faith make this same misconception that I did.

Certainty and faith are not only different things, they are mutually exclusive.  If you are certain of something, you don't need faith.  To have faith is to acknowledge uncertainty, and choose to believe something regardless.  In this way faith is a choice, and it can encourage engagement in the mystery of life.  Certainty is a refusal to accept that an alternative can even exist.  To be certain is not to make a choice, but to assume that there is no choice to be made.

“The only true wisdom is in knowing that you know nothing.” 

–Socrates

What Socrates is saying, in a very definitive way, is that to be certain of anything is unwise.  Likewise, the Buddha teaches us to question everything.  Why?  This can be difficult to really comprehend.  We immediately think of ‘perfectly reasonable’ things that we are certain of.  I’m certain the sun will rise tomorrow in the East.  I’m certain that Ronald Reagan has not recently risen from the dead.  But essentially, these certainties are born of mindlessness, a lack of engagement.  For example, many such certainties are held because we've not seen evidence to the contrary (and not because evidence could not exist or arise).  To be fair, mathematical proofs may be a genuine exception, but I’m not going to discuss that here

And you might argue that there is a sort of pragmatism about certainty.  To act as if tomorrow's sunrise was genuinely in jeopardy would create a lot of very practical problems for individuals and for society.

Getting back to Socrates though, we don’t actually know the things we know.  We assume the things we know.  I've found that acknowledging that my assumptions are only assumptions, and not knowledge, has opened up my mind to a universe of possibilities and wonder.  The word assumption has a negative connotation because one thinks an assumption can be wrong.  But a certainty can be wrong as well, so what's the difference?

“The greatest enemy of knowledge is not ignorance; it is the illusion of knowledge.” 

–Stephen Hawking

By acknowledging my ignorance and assumptions, the “knowledge” that the sun will rise tomorrow becomes faith that it will.  And I have faith that Zombie Ronald Reagon is not walking around somewhere eating brains.  But I allow that there’s an outside chance that he could be.

So earlier, I asked a question which I have not answered yet.  What is wrong with these people of faith?  I used to believe that faith was the problem.  I thought that faith made people, especially fundamentalists and extremists believe and behave irrationally.  But now I understand that certainty is the problem.  Religious fanatics call themselves people of faith.  But they are people who have abandoned faith in favor of certainty.  I now believe that faith is not the problem, but the solution.

If the chaos and unpredictability of life is a roulette wheel, faith is not about knowing whether the ball will land on black or red.  And it doesn’t need to be about deluding yourself into believing you know.  Faith is about walking up to the table and placing a bet.  Faith is a perspective that the reward is worth the risk.  And maybe faith is a belief that playing the game is more important than winning or losing.

I’ve always believed that the best way to engage in the mystery of life is by questioning.  And I still believe that.  But faith can be another vehicle for engagement.  I’m not preaching that anyone should have faith in anything.  But I want you to know that faith is a choice.  Recognize it as such, and then choose for yourself.

Thank you for reading.  Please share my blog with others who might find value in it.  May you be well and happy.

-Andy

Embracing Chaos

When you're facing change, uncertainty, and chaos, you can see danger, and you can see opportunity.  I think most of us tend to see more danger than opportunity, and we become anxious and scared.  I know I have.  But life is dynamic and unpredictable.  And even if you assume there is a governing order, whether by God's will or by laws of physics, we can only grasp at the edges of understanding it.  So to fear change, uncertainty, and chaos is to fear life itself.  And it seems to me that every religion is (or could be interpreted to be) teaching us not to fear.  Christianity teaches that our struggles through hardship and suffering will be rewarded with salvation.  Islam and Buddhism teach us (through very different perspectives) to let go of our illusion of control.  I think the idea is that if you stop deluding yourself that you have control, you'll have less anxiety about not having it.

I discussed in my first blog entry how faith is the antidote to this sort of fear and anxiety.  But I want to look at this a little more.  In reading Brene Brown's book "Daring Greatly," I was really stunned by her suggestion that we should embrace uncertainty.  I had to stop and think about that.  It sounds life-changing.  With that in mind, I want to look into chaos and not just have faith give me courage to face my fears.  But I want to look into chaos and see potential opportunities more than dangers.  I want to learn to embrace chaos, not just accept it.

So how do I make that happen?  How do I create a paradigm shift in my psychology from a perspective of fear and danger to a perspective of hope and wonder?  I don't exactly know - that is the purpose of the journey.  And it's the purpose of this blog.  I want to share with you how I get there.  I believe the process involves mindfulness, gratitude, faith, open-mindedness, learning, intuition, and recognition of the interconnection of and the divinity within everything,  And thanks to the gift of neuroplasticity, I believe such a shift in thinking is possible.

Thank you for reading.  Please share my blog with others who might find value in it.  May you be well and happy.

-Andy

Letting Go of Truth and Justice

I've always had an interest in knowledge, specifically knowing capital 'T' Truth(s).  And I've always had a desire to understand the nature of all the injustices in the world.  These two topics are often addressed directly by religion.  Despite my agnosticism, I've always had a fascination with religion and spirituality.  But it was generally through the lenses of these two topics, and mostly an abstract or academic interest.  So a lot of what I read about religion, philosophy, and spirituality was concerned with trying to understand how different belief systems dealt with Truth and explained injustice.

For example, being raised with Christian dualism, I was quite interested in theodicy.  Despite the paradox of a benevolent God, countless people throughout history have believed in the tenants of Christianity.  And at least some of them had to be reasonable, rational people.  So I learned about it.

To skip over all the messy details, there is no explanation for the suffering and injustice in the world that will satisfy the skeptics.  There is no perfect defense of God, Christian or otherwise, hence the consistent and infuriating chorus of “God works in mysterious ways.”  And even if you assume this to be true, it still doesn't answer or resolve anything.

As I began to develop a deeper, more direct interest in spirituality, questions of injustice and Truth kept coming up.  Why should I put faith in a God who is quite content to let me suffer?  I’m perfectly capable of suffering all on my own without God in my life.  And unless God would grant me Truth through divine revelation, welcoming God into my life will get me no closer to that goal either.

After quite a while of struggling with these dilemmas, I decided to let go of my pursuit of Truth.  And I decided to choose a spiritual path despite the injustice that may occur in my life and the lives of those around me.  Letting go of these pursuits opened the door to spirituality for me.  Once I did this, I was able to begin my journey.  I started finding synchronicities and developing my chakras.

I've experienced so much growth and learning over the past few months that would not have been possible if I had not let go of these questions.  When I say I let them go, it doesn't mean I’m no longer interested or that I don’t still ask the questions.  It means I accept the reality that I’m not likely to get answers.  With this acceptance, I've found it’s possible to travel a spiritual path while still being perfectly grounded and still maintaining a healthy sense of doubt and skepticism.

Thank you for reading.  Please share my blog with others who might find value in it.  May you be well and happy.

-Andy

Overcoming Anger

I am writing today about overcoming anger.  So many people seem to be struggling with anger.  It is a very dangerous and destructive emotion.  Some people direct their anger outward.  They harm people around them, psychologically if not physically, and they may destroy inanimate objects.  Others direct their anger inward.  These people destroy their own self-esteem, willpower, and identity.  This results in much suffering and an inability to be a good and loving friend to those close to them.  These two groups are not mutually exclusive.  I tend to fall in the second group.  Although I’m not immune to anger, perhaps my story and the progress I have made can provide inspiration or an example for others.

Over the past many years, I've made three cognitive changes that drastically reduced my level of anger.  Firstly, as a generally analytical person, and with an education in social sciences, I learned to view the preconditions, causalities, and intricacies in human interactions.  With that perspective, I began to more accurately observe the complexity of events that upset me.  Secondly, as an agnostic I actively worked to rid myself of a dualistic worldview and adopt a monistic one.  Thirdly, as a Buddhist, I learned to view each person with compassion and empathy.

As a teenager, I was generally unhappy.  Accordingly I had a lot of anger.  Much of my unhappiness and anger came from sexual frustration.  For reasons I understand much better today, I was extremely unattractive to girls.  Of course, many reasons that I was not attractive resulted from my unhappiness.  I’ll spare the psychoanalysis to arrive concisely at the point.  I had entered into a vicious cycle where my anger and unhappiness resulted in social problems, and my social problems engendered more anger and unhappiness. 

--- Dependent Origination ---

So my first step to reducing anger was to view situations that upset me in a more nuanced and holistic way.  Unfortunately, that the vicious cycle was a huge obstacle to actually doing this.  I found that while I’m acutely angry, I cannot accurately view the object of my anger.  I must wait until the anger naturally subsides a bit, and I can get a more impartial perspective.  Then I can analyze the situation retrospectively.  And in my experience, anger does naturally subside, at least to a point, all on its own, given that I remove myself from the offending situation and that I do not nurture my feelings of anger. 

Once I was able to break out of the vicious cycle and began observing the complexities and preconditions of the events that upset me, I realized that I could not blame a single person or event for any misfortune.  My anger was, at the very least dissipated, and in many situations reduced.  For example, if someone mocks me and makes jokes at my expense, I could respond with anger toward that person.  But instead I try to understand that person’s motivations.  I might intuit that he or she has low self-esteem and is acting out to try to impress others.  Understanding this, I realize the negativity is only directed at me arbitrarily; it’s not personal.  Knowing that the jokes are not personal, I’m less angry about them.  For those interested, this general concept is described in Buddhist teachings as dependent origination.

--- Monism ---

As a Christian and as an American, I was raised with a dualistic worldview.  As I turned away from Christianity, I also began to abandon the dualism that accompanies it, which is much more difficult.  To stop being a Christian, one just stops believing.  To stop thinking dualistically, one must make a complete paradigm shift, unlearning fundamental cognitive constructs and replacing them with completely new and foreign ideas.  Dualism was linked to thousands of other ideas and memories in my brain, and each one of those neural connections needed to be broken before I could genuinely view the world monistically.  For those that have not done this, and are interested, it will likely take lot of effort and a long time.  And by long time, I mean it took me many years.  But it was absolutely worth it. 

A dualistic perspective allows us to easily place blame and avoid fully engaging with the world and people around us.  For example, I used to observe the suffering around me and in the world at large, and I would blame the rich and the powerful.  If only the plutocrats and oligarchs would act with more benevolence and altruism, the world would be a better place, I thought.  I saw the ruling class as self-interested and greedy; I saw them as evil.  But now I understand that it’s not black and white.  Aside from true sociopaths, people almost always intend to behave in a moral and ethical fashion.  They often fail to live up to their own moral code for many reasons which can be understood.  For example, many people refuse to acknowledge the negative impacts of their actions.  But even this denial is not immoral.  It may be a lack of psychological fortitude.  Or it could just be simple ignorance. 

Dualistic thinking allows us to dehumanize and vilify anyone we view as ‘the other.’  And the dehumanization encourages anger, hatred, and generally destructive and irresponsible behavior.  Ridding myself of dualistic thinking alleviated much anger in my life.

--- Compassion ---

Compassion is the polar opposite of vilification.  Both Buddha and Jesus recommended approaching every person and every situation with compassion.  I’m not too familiar with Islam, but I think Muhammad taught this as well.  As fundamental as this message may have been to Christ’s teachings, it seems it does not resonates within his churches.  Essentially, this is a monistic message and conflicts with Christian dualism.  So I learned the message from Buddhism.

I’ve found that in the same way that dualism encourages anger, a general attitude of compassion discourages it.  To be compassionate toward a person is to directly think in a way that diminishes anger.  If I view a criminal without compassion, I will want to punish the criminal.  But if I view the criminal with compassion, I will seek to learn what problems led to the criminal acts.  I will then want a psychologist or social worker to resolve the underlying problems.  And I understand that if the causes of criminality are erased, then crime will generally cease.  Understanding the complex conditions that led the perpetrator to commit crimes, I find it easy to forgive, even when anger does arise. 

***

All three steps that I have described are in a way, three different paths to the same conclusion, three different ways to view the same understanding.  These three cognitive shifts allowed me to greatly reduce anger in my life.  But based on my anecdotal observations, the biggest obstacle that many face in overcoming anger is a complete lack of desire to do so.  I see many people nurture their anger.  They derive self-righteousness, confidence, and a sense of power from their anger because they have not learned to nurture confidence and empowerment from within.  They make excuses, telling themselves that their anger helps motivate them or to focus their energy.  But even for those people, if they follow the steps that I have, their anger will subside even if they don’t intend it to.

One last thought: your anger is more corrosive and harmful to yourself than it will ever be to the person with whom you are angry.

Thank you for reading.  Please share my blog with others who might find value in it.  May you be well and happy.

-Andy

A Lack of Self-Confidence

In this entry, I will be discussing chakras, specifically the solar plexus chakra.  To drastically oversimplify things, the solar plexus (manipura) chakra governs self-esteem, willpower, and confidence, among other things.  The chakras model of subtle energy is very complex and difficult to understand.  It is not my purpose here to teach it to anyone (nor am I qualified to), and I want to keep my blog entries concise.  So I won’t go into details about the concepts I refer to.  If you are not at all familiar with the concept of charkas, I recommend The Chopra Center or Wikipedia for a brief and simplistic overview.

Let me say one quick note about my own perspective about chakras.  I do not ‘believe’ in the chakra system.  I have no judgment (positive or negative) on the truth or empirical existence of chakras or the subtle energy that they symbolically govern.  But regardless of their manifest existence, I have found the chakra system to be a helpful model for evaluating the self and for seeking guidance to how improvement might be attained.

***

About four or five months back Stephanie, my girlfriend at the time, told me that she continually observed that I had little self-confidence.  She recommended that I work on my confidence and self-esteem issues and spend some time focusing on the solar plexus chakra.  I was a bit confused by her observation and recommendation.  I protested that I was indeed confident in myself and my abilities.

“Explain to me why you feel confident and why you have self-esteem?” Stephanie asked me.

I responded, “I’m very intelligent and highly educated.  I have a good job.  I think for myself.  I’m a responsible person.”  I probably went on with some other details.

She looked at me with disappointment.  “You’re comparing yourself to others.  You will never have true confidence or fully understand your own value as long as you compare yourself to others.  To have real and lasting self-esteem and self-confidence, you must look solely within yourself.  Do not assess your value or ability in comparison to anyone else.”

I had no idea what she was trying to tell me. I understood that confidence needs to come from within.  But I could say that I’m intelligent and educated without saying I’m more intelligent and more educated than some other person or persons.  I know that these things are relative.  But if I feel I’m intelligent and educated generally, then what is the problem?  What did she think I was doing wrong? 

Our conversation on the topic continued for a few minutes.  But I reached no better understanding of the insight she was trying to explain.  Afterwards, I dismissed the whole thing, and didn’t think much about it.  I always value Stephanie’s thoughts and perspectives, but I often disagree.  And I just counted this among the many times that we were unable to agree or reach mutual understanding.

Recently, after Stephanie and I broke up, I decided to spend some time focusing on and working on each chakra individually.  A friend of mine had described doing this last year.  The idea intrigued me, and it seemed something that would be quite beneficial.  And the chakra system is so complex and intricate that it’s very difficult to grasp it when approaching it holistically.  Through some synchronicities and meditation, I was guided to begin with the solar plexus or fire chakra. 

When I meditated on the solar plexus chakra, I quickly began feeling an acute discomfort precisely in my solar plexus.  At first, I thought that maybe I was sitting with bad posture, and my breathing was strained.  But this was not the problem.  My body was telling me that my solar plexus chakra was in great distress. I continued to practice the meditation a few more times, always with the same uncomfortable experience.  Upon some reflection, I acknowledged and sincerely accepted that I had self-esteem and self-confidence issues.  As soon as I accepted this idea, I remembered that conversation with Stephanie.  I immediately understood what she had tried to explain to me.

Shortly afterwards, I was trying to share the benefit of this revelation with a particularly arrogant and narcissistic friend.  Based on my understanding of psychology, I knew that arrogant speech is a signal of low self-confidence and narcissism is a signal of low self-esteem.  Narcissism and arrogance are psychological overcompensations.   For some people, when they avoid confronting feelings of low self-esteem and low confidence, their subconscious will begin to ‘lie’ to them, telling them that they are superior.  Then they will consciously reinforce the idea in their speech and behavior.

So I tried to explain my new and valuable insight.  The conversation collapsed into an argument as my friend became defensive.  Then I realized the futility of my effort.  I had assumed Stephanie’s role when she had spoken to me several months earlier.  I remembered that until my conscious mind fully and genuinely accepted the fact that I had low self-confidence, there was no means to explain that insight to me.  My subconscious had built a barrier that no amount of logic or persuasion could breach.  My friend had the same barrier, and I resigned from my attempt to help.

Some things must be believed to be seen.

All of this happened more than six weeks ago.  I haven’t found a key to quickly boosting confidence or self-esteem.  But accepting a problem is the first step in resolving it.  Little by little, I’m working to build up my self-esteem and confidence.  Some days I feel great, and other days I have my doubts.  But I know I am making progress.  Through all the hills and valleys, the overall trend is upwards.

I want to encourage discussion and feedback, so I'm allowing you to comment on my blog anonymously and/or without an account.  Please share any thoughts in a kind and respectful manner.

I sincerely thank you for reading.  I hope that you found value in my story.  And if you did, please share the blog with others.

Cheers,

Andy

Fitting Faith into a Framework of Doubt

For as long as I can remember I've identified myself as Agnostic.  I thought that faith was the refuge of people not strong enough to confront and accept their own ignorance.  I genuinely believe in questioning everything.  I believe that the act of asking a question is often more important than the answer, especially for those deep, existential, philosophical sorts of questions (to which we won’t find verifiable answers anyways).

When I was 32 I began attending a Theravada Buddhist temple.  I found the Dhamma attractive because, unlike the Christianity I grew up with, one does not need faith to practice it.  So I continued down my path of doubt, skepticism, questioning, and faithlessness.

But then I met Stephanie.  And then I fell in love with Stephanie. She is my polar opposite.  She is emotion, while I am logic.  She is spirit, while I am flesh.  She is faith, while I am doubt.  Our deeply divergent views were our greatest weakness as a couple.  But in a way, they were also our greatest strength.

Shortly before I met her, at age 23, Stephanie nearly died of an acute chronic illness.  Coming so close to death and surviving was a spiritual experience for her, as it is with many people who go through such events.

Faith became central to her being.  She doesn't identify as Christian, or Buddhist, or any other particular religion.  But she is a follower of God, or the Great Spirit, or the Source, or whatever name you can give to something beyond your comprehension.  She has no book, no commandments, no dogma.  But she is a true believer.

I can’t tell you how many conversations we had and just talked right past each other.  But I kept trying to see things from her perspective.  I kept trying to make sense of her words, within my worldview.  And there were times when I questioned myself.  Is it possible for me to understand this woman and what she’s telling me?  Even if it is possible, what’s to be gained?  But I was in love.  And I could see something, some mystery in her that I wanted to understand.

I witnessed a lot of little things that some might call small miracles and others might call luck.  Stephanie calls them synchronicities.  Events in her life just seemed to ‘line up.’  Things never just lined up for me.  I had to work to make things happen, and even then I fail as often as I succeed.  But I saw her just rely on synchronicity.  And when problems or obstacles arose, Stephanie’s lack of anxiety really intrigued me.  When she would face uncertainty, I was amazed - and a bit jealous, of how she was confident things would work out. 

“How do you know things will work out?” I’d ask.  “I have faith,” she would reply.  But what kind of answer is that?  It sounded like a guess.  But she had confidence her guess was right.  This made no sense to me and just seemed naive.  I won’t go into a philosophical argument here, but at the very least I’ll say that things don’t just ‘work out of the best’ for everyone.  So what makes her special?

I continued struggling with this until after we broke up.  She left me to go on a sort of spiritual journey of learning and self-discovery.  Left alone with my thoughts and my grief, I finally got it.  I found a way for faith to make sense to me.

So what is the secret?  Pragmatism.  Faith is practical.

Psychology has told us that basically, the source of anxiety is uncertainty.  We feel stress when we face a choice, and we don’t know what to decide.  We become anxious when we feel we are losing control in our lives.  We seek certainty, and we seek to control our environment.  It is psychologically difficult and painful for us to face chaos manifesting in our lives.

In addition to this, psychology can teach us that being anxious and stressed out can have a negative impact on our lives, beyond the unpleasantness of the emotions themselves.  The internal negativity of stress and anxiety can and does manifest externally.  When facing a difficult choice, anxiety can cloud our judgment, and cause us to make a bad decision.  Thus we involuntarily make bad situations even worse.  Then we get even more anxious and stressed out.  In this fashion, anxiety can create a negative feedback loop from a single unfortunate event.

Faith is the logical antidote to this feedback loop.  Faith is the pragmatic solution to the problem of our psychological response to chaos and uncertainty.  With faith we can approach difficult and painful situations with calmness and clarity.  The act of faith, by itself (even completely unfounded faith) can have a positive impact on our ability to maneuver and even influence psychologically difficult situations.

After gaining this understanding, I've begun to incorporate faith into my life.  I watch for and acknowledge synchronicities.  I repeat a mantra that I have faith in my path.  And I will continue repeating it, silently and aloud, until I have fully internalized it.  I know that this faith will benefit me.  And I did not have to abandon my sense of skepticism and doubt.

I often think about Stephanie, and I sometimes wonder if things would have been different if I had found this faith six months earlier.  I don’t know the answer to that.  But I believe that what I’ve learned from her and from my experiences will serve me as I walk towards a better future.

I want to encourage discussion and feedback, so I'm allowing you to comment on my blog anonymously and/or without an account.  Please share any thoughts in a kind and respectful manner.

I sincerely thank you for reading.  I hope that you found value in my story.  And if you did, please share the blog with others.

Cheers,

Andy