In this
entry, I will be discussing chakras, specifically the solar plexus chakra. To drastically oversimplify things, the solar plexus (manipura) chakra governs self-esteem,
willpower, and confidence, among other things.
The chakras model of subtle energy is very complex and difficult to
understand. It is not my purpose here to
teach it to anyone (nor am I qualified to), and I want to keep my blog entries concise. So I won’t go into details
about the concepts I refer to. If you
are not at all familiar with the concept of charkas, I recommend The Chopra Center or Wikipedia for a brief and simplistic overview.
Let me say
one quick note about my own perspective about chakras. I do not ‘believe’ in the chakra system. I have no judgment (positive or negative) on
the truth or empirical existence of chakras or the subtle energy that they symbolically
govern. But regardless of their manifest
existence, I have found the chakra system to be a helpful model for evaluating
the self and for seeking guidance to how improvement might be attained.
***
About four
or five months back Stephanie, my girlfriend at the time, told me that she
continually observed that I had little self-confidence. She recommended that I work on my confidence and self-esteem
issues and spend some time focusing on the solar plexus chakra. I was a bit confused by her observation and
recommendation. I protested that I was
indeed confident in myself and my abilities.
“Explain to
me why you feel confident and why you have self-esteem?” Stephanie asked me.
I responded,
“I’m very intelligent and highly educated.
I have a good job. I think for
myself. I’m a responsible person.” I probably went on with some other details.
She looked
at me with disappointment. “You’re comparing
yourself to others. You will never have
true confidence or fully understand your own value as long as you compare
yourself to others. To have real and
lasting self-esteem and self-confidence, you must look solely within
yourself. Do not assess your value or
ability in comparison to anyone else.”
I had no
idea what she was trying to tell me. I understood that confidence needs to come
from within. But I could say that I’m
intelligent and educated without saying I’m more intelligent and more educated
than some other person or persons. I
know that these things are relative. But
if I feel I’m intelligent and educated generally, then what is the problem? What did she think I was doing wrong?
Our conversation
on the topic continued for a few minutes.
But I reached no better understanding of the insight she was trying to
explain. Afterwards, I dismissed the
whole thing, and didn’t think much about it.
I always value Stephanie’s thoughts and perspectives, but I often
disagree. And I just counted this among
the many times that we were unable to agree or reach mutual understanding.
Recently,
after Stephanie and I broke up, I decided to spend some time focusing on and working
on each chakra individually. A friend of
mine had described doing this last year.
The idea intrigued me, and it seemed something that would be quite
beneficial. And the chakra system is so
complex and intricate that it’s very difficult to grasp it when approaching it holistically. Through some synchronicities and meditation,
I was guided to begin with the solar plexus or fire chakra.
When I
meditated on the solar plexus chakra, I quickly began feeling an acute discomfort precisely in my solar plexus. At first, I
thought that maybe I was sitting with bad posture, and my breathing was
strained. But this was not the
problem. My body was telling me that my
solar plexus chakra was in great distress. I continued to practice the
meditation a few more times, always with the same uncomfortable
experience. Upon some reflection, I acknowledged
and sincerely accepted that I had self-esteem and self-confidence issues. As soon as I accepted this idea, I remembered
that conversation with Stephanie. I
immediately understood what she had tried to explain to me.
Shortly
afterwards, I was trying to share the benefit of this revelation with a
particularly arrogant and narcissistic friend.
Based on my understanding of psychology, I knew that arrogant speech is
a signal of low self-confidence and narcissism is a signal of low self-esteem. Narcissism and arrogance are psychological
overcompensations. For some people, when they avoid confronting feelings
of low self-esteem and low confidence, their subconscious will begin to ‘lie’
to them, telling them that they are superior.
Then they will consciously reinforce the idea in their speech and
behavior.
So I tried
to explain my new and valuable insight.
The conversation collapsed into an argument as my friend became defensive. Then I realized the futility of my
effort. I had assumed Stephanie’s role when
she had spoken to me several months earlier. I remembered that
until my conscious mind fully and genuinely accepted the fact that I had low
self-confidence, there was no means to explain that insight to me. My subconscious had built a barrier that no
amount of logic or persuasion could breach.
My friend had the same barrier, and I resigned from my attempt to help.
Some things
must be believed to be seen.
All of this
happened more than six weeks ago. I
haven’t found a key to quickly boosting confidence or self-esteem. But accepting a problem is the first step in
resolving it. Little by little, I’m
working to build up my self-esteem and confidence. Some days I feel great, and other days I have
my doubts. But I know I am making
progress. Through all the hills and valleys, the
overall trend is upwards.
I want to encourage discussion and feedback, so I'm allowing you to comment on my blog anonymously and/or without an account. Please share any thoughts in a kind and respectful manner.
I sincerely thank you for reading. I hope that you found value in my story. And if you did, please share the blog with others.
Cheers,
Andy
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